He, she, they, ze, tree: Don't keep secrets from parents about their own kids

Parents have no right to know if their child has adopted a different gender identity, name and pronouns at school, concludes a federal court in New York. The Skaneateles district did not infringe on parental rights when teachers adopted a male name and they/them pronouns for their 12-year-old daughter without informing them, ruled Judge David Hurd. The policy was more “like a civility code that extends the kind of decency students should expect at school: such as being called the name they ask to be called,” he wrote.

Protect Kids CA supporters rally in Sacramento in 2023. Photo: Rahul Lal/CalMatters

Newly arrived from Greece, the girl was anxious, depressed and struggling to fit in, according to her parents' lawsuit, writes Jane Coleman on Legal Insurrection. When the parents found out, they put their child in private school. The mother says her daughter's mental health has improved and she no longer wishes to use a different name and pronouns.

Federal law requires schools to share information about students -- including "gender plans" to support a new identity -- with parents, according to a "Dear Colleague" letter issued by the U.S. Education Department, reports Chalkbeat's Erica Meltzer

Schools that withhold information from parents are violating the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), said the letter. The Department is investigating California and Maine policies that call for hiding gender transitions from parents at the student's request.

In a cover letter, Education Secretary Linda McMahon said social transitions often put children on a path toward irreversible medical transitions. “Attempts by school officials to separate children from their parents, convince children to feel unsafe at home, or burden children with the weight of keeping secrets from their loved ones is a direct affront to the family unit."

"Around the country, states and school districts have adopted a range of policies and laws about students’ requests to change their names and gender identity," reports Meltzer. "Some school districts there won’t use a different name or pronoun without parental permission."

Keeping secrets from parents about their own children is very, very unpopular with the public, warns

Andrew Rotherham, who writes as Eduwonk. "A wide spectrum of decent people" agree that a "culture of secrecy" is bad for kids and society, he writes.

If a child is at risk from parents, school staffers are required to report it. However, if parents disagree on a controversial issue -- how to respond to gender dysphoria -- that's not an abuse issue, Rotherham writes. "The idea that schools should get ahead of parents on major life decisions for minors? That’s nuts and political poison."

"Public schools are for everyone," Rotherham writes. "Create a pluralistic climate." Adopt "common-sense anti-bullying approaches." And respect parents.